The Test Cometh

FACTOID:

It's a little known piece of history that the second wave of immigrants did not land at Plymouth Rock, they landed at the southernmost point in America on a small island called Key West.

This second group decided to stay and remain hidden from the rest of the world. As they grew in numbers and formed what is now known as the Republican Party. They began to build and build this small island which eventually led to needing a large work force to maintain it's properties. That's when they brought in indentured workers who later became known as the Democratic Party. They renamed the island Cayo Hueso (Isle of Bones) and built a huge temple to show the world how powerful they were, This temple became known as The Southernmost Resorts Collection and still offering it's services to visitors from around the world. www.southernmostresorts.com

Flash ahead a few hundred years. A long line of potential Presidential candidates stood outside the registration lobby at the Southernmost Resorts in Key West waiting to register for the first ever test “So You Think You Can Be President” to determine their eligibility to become the nominee for the office of President of the United States. To ensure complete anonymity all applicants wore hoods, gloves and not allowed to speak, they were restricted to only sending text messages if they had any questions.

Due to the conflict within the Democratic Party and it's inability to choose a candidate for the general election in 2008 the party voted to move it's election to 2009. The Republican Party saw this as a victory insuring a long term advantage to occupy the White House. The Supreme Court also ruled that the current election process would continue as it always had. They sited a "prima facie law" that stated "it is what it is." But then in an addendum, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that any political party could choose when, where, and how any party could hold it's own elections. They didn’t have to agree to the same day. Obviously, with this in mind the Republican candidate whose election would take place in 2008, would get elected before the Democratic candidate had a tremendous advantage.



Hence, a need for someway to chose a candidate beyond th election. And so a test was created. The framers of this test Iris Burnett HF and Clay Greager HF chose the www.SouthernmostResorts.com to administer the questions. It is Geographically the southernmost point in the United States. They wanted to avert any diplomatic problems if they chose a location on the East (Right) Coast or the West (Left) Coast?

The results of the test will be scored by Price Waterhouse and the results announced during the half time activities of the 2009 Super Bowl. This event solution was deemed a victory by some economic minorities because it would allow them to raise money via car washes, yard sales and local lotteries (commonly called the numbers racket.)

All potential applicants, financial and personal data will be released and posted on the www.SouthernmostResorts.com website as soon as the scoring and evaluation is completed sometime in 2008. Carrie Lynn eventually married a Republican and Lisa Ann had a short but fun filled affair with a Democrat but despite their difference political affiliations, they have remained close.
Clay

Wake Up John

"Wake up John, I know it's 3:00 AM, but this is important. Can you ring downstairs and get me some ice cream?"

"Oh my God John, I said I need a new button, you pushed the red button!"

"John, it's the extremist not Al Quida."

"John, we're in Baghdad, not Hanoi."

"John, we don't have to stand in line, this is our own plane."

"John, it's not Deputy Commander, it's Vice-President"

"John, We better call a Doctor, I don’t think those were your pills."

"John, it sounds goofy to you, not gooky."

We all know that we slip up sometimes, especially when we're under stress, but can we afford to have take a chance our President will do it repeatedly. The President lives under great stress twenty-four hours a day. But let’s take a minute to look at the Republican candidate. OK, he's a little older than we would like, a little more broken and scarred than normal and possibly has suffered from ED the past couple of decades. Is that enough to keep him from being Commander-In-Chief. I don't think so, but I do think it should come it is something to consider before he becomes President.

We don't want him to get confused about which role he's playing. Can you imagine if he declared Martial Law in the United States thinking the terrorists were after him. Not far fetched you know, Perot thought the same thing a while back. So lets put this in perspective based on facts not emotions. We'll use this snapshot as something to think about when it comes to trusting him to become the leader of the Free World or just maybe only the United States.

We should ask ourselves these questions.
a. What is a bit two old for the job?
b. He was held as a prisoner of war for over five and a half years and underwent complete isolation, beaten on a daily basis, had more bones broken that existed in his frail body, fed only enough to keep him alive and was subjected to daily brain washing sessions make a difference? I guess there are people who don't think it matters, but there is still a large population that remember the movie "The Manchurian Candidate" and at least question, if not have serious doubts about his mental state.

"John we can't hold all calls until 9:00 am."

"John, gruel and maggots is not the right choice for a state dinner."

"John, wearing a karate outfit to travel might be comfortable but it's going to give the wrong impression."

"John, what in the hell were you thinking, she wasn't your wife, your wife is out of town."

"John will you stop watching the introduction to the move "Patton."

You are driving your secret service guys crazy making them wear World War II uniforms and standing at attention all night."

"No John, your not going to Hospice, your going to the hospital for a check-up."

"John, your wife called and said those adult toys you sent were addressed to her maid."

If this seems like an impossible scenario I suggest you drink a six-pack and let your mind wander a bit, and you might begin to believe, Nothing is Impossible.
Clay

Don't Make Me Stop This Car

Question: You are riding in the Presidential Limo and Arguing with your staff about a policy question. How do you resolve the problem?
a. You fire anyone who disagrees with you.
b. You have the secret service maim anyone who disagrees with you.
c. You never argue with people beneath your pay grade -- or who doesn't sleep in the residence.
d. Stop the car and refuse to take anyone back to the White House unless they admit you are always right.


When my kids were little and they would be in the car fighting with one another and it was impossible to concentrate because the noise was so intrusive, I like millions of other parents would threaten, “stop fighting or I’ll have to stop this car.” Over the last few days, when I listen to the news, it takes me back and all I want to do is yell. “Don’t make me stop this car!”

What are these Presidential candidates thinking? Don’t they get that everything they say now, will be repeated in the general election. Don’t they get that this is just, as my Alaskan friends have been known to say, “the tip of the iceberg”. If they think the attacks have been difficult to this point, they have no idea how savaged they are going to be by the Republicans. But for me, (and I like all of the talking heads and the bloggers do make it all about me), the most unattractive off-putting tactic is the whining. What ever would have possessed the Obama people to whine about Saturday Nite Live. “ Boo Hoo, they like Hillary better than me”. Well, who wouldn’t when that’s the approach you take to a good natured comedy sketch. Here’s some sage advice to my friends in Chicago. “Get over it!” The SNL people are going to do what they do and as long as they spell your name correctly, kids will be attracted to the election—and isn’t that what we’re all about. Oh God, I hate political whining. It’s so unPresidential.

But back to me. On my way back to DC today, I sat with a 25 or so, year old guy who was on his phone for three out of the three and a half hours. Most of his conversation was with some friends who apparently were interested in what this guy did before and after the trip. The conversations went like this: “yeah, so last night I was making out with Tiffany. She was so hot for me it was hard to leave, but I had other things to do.” Then the next conversation was: “ Claudia was so hot for me that she said she wouldn’t take a shower until I got there so I could wash her back.” The next discourse was much more graphic and not quite so interesting. And I asked him to cease and desist. “please” I begged, “I’m an older woman and my heart can’t stand it.” I thought that would be more effective than, “If you don’t stop I’m going to throw up on you.”

The technology today has made it such that conversations with/among strangers is inevitable. And some of those are about politics. (OK I know it’s a leap from the last paragraph – aren’t you perceptive). So when this guy started to talk about the campaigns (again to a friend who might have had more than a third grade education) I was glued to my adjacent seat. First he talked about how great the Spitzer ‘bimbo’ looked. Her boobs were mamazing (cute huh). Then his 2 minute attention span turned to Obama. “Yeah I thought I’d vote for the guy. But look at what his minister said. Maybe he is a muslim plant.”

You may say, consider the source. But even very smart people are asking questions about how a guy like Obama – someone who wants to be the President , can be associated with anyone who uses the kind of divisive and racist, anti American rhetoric that this minister used and uses. While I am sure the explanation is not difficult—there has to be a public explanation. I mean. I get it. My Uncle Phil and I used to fight about communism, the war in Viet Nam and the Chinese Communist Revolution. He was a fighter pilot in WW2 and as a youth, he like every Jew in NY, was a member of the communist party. He was embarrassed about the association and he was angry about the war in Viet Nam. He was right about the Chinese Communists, but, as a young person, I was inflexible in my thinking and one day, in an angry confrontation, I said he was stupid. He was visibly shaken to the point of tears. He never finished the argument because he was so hurt by my characterization of his intellect. And I was so ashamed about what I had done that I left his house without goodbyes. Eventually, we made up. But it took a long time and many earnest talks in-between. I think this is how Obama must feel about his spiritual mentor. He loves the guy. He can’t turn him away emotionally, but he’s a different generation and he has to turn him away intellectually because it is a different place than it was in the 60’s.

I have been thinking about this all day because I didn’t see a way out for the candidate. But now I do. The good senator from Illinois has to say, without any qualification or apologies that he loves this country. He chose, (as a young boy) to stay here when his mom left to go to Indonesia, and he loves it more than anyone can imagine. I believe this is the truth. I believe that there is no downside to loving the country you want to lead. I believe that while Republicans can find unimaginable ways to attack the Obama candidacy, they cannot possibly wage war on a candidate who says they love the United States and want it to be the best it can be. It’s not an enormous leap from what he’s been saying all along. This will work. Whining won’t.
Iris

Uncle Clay, who are you voting for?

Question:

As the candidate, how will you deal with a misinformed public.
a. Design a U-tube ad. It is more likely to be watched than any other media.
b. Hire ‘big’ out of work union members to beat up all the news people giving out the information.
c. Hope the little baby Jesus will tell his dad to strike the misinformers dumb.
d. If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen.

As I write this I have two house guests sleeping contently in our back bedroom. Actually, if you had ever been to my house I wouldn't have to say which bedroom, Eh?

It’s my wife’s niece and her husband and I need to say that so you don’t think they are on my side. They are both from Rochester, NY. He does lawn care in the summer and she is a hair stylist. They are both forty-years old and have voted in every Presidential election since they were old enough. Her mother suffered a series of strokes in the past several years and lives only a few miles from her. Her father is the caregiver but being he is pushing eighty it’s necessary for Alice (my niece-in-law) to spend most of her evenings helping out.

They were telling me over coffee yesterday about how difficult it was to maintain any sort of a positive lifestyle. They pay over $8,000 a year for health care. Their one bedroom house which he paid $28,000 for eleven years ago is taxed over $3,000 a year. She keeps turning off lights in the house to conserve energy and he only drinks generic beer. They fish and hunt and eat everything they catch or shoot. They have a dog, he owns twenty-five guns. Their only vacation is here in Key West staying with us. They rent an economy car with unlimited mileage and drive all day and night to get here. He is afraid that his employer who he has been with will replace him with an immigrant because he has worked so long for him that his pay is getting to be a burden. His employer could get two or three immigrants to work for what he gets paid. To him that’s a heavy burden to carry because he doesn’t think he can do anything else.

They put every penny into their retirement fund because they also are concerned about their own retirement. When they told me that I told them to start spending some of that money on themselves, maybe stock up on some real Corona and maybe consider flying down here next time. In other words “live a little.” I also told them that both of them could easily find work here in Key West and make a lot more money doing what they’re already doing, but that’s a mute point because Alice will never leave her mother’s side. Another forfeited life or lives.

So yesterday morning while we sat there talking David her husband asked about who was I going to vote for. I replied I wasn’t sure yet but it was going to be between McCain and Obama and I’d have to find out more about them. Then David who seemed almost embarrassed to say what came next asked me, “Do you really think we should put a Muslim in the White House?” I was taken back, here was the typical somewhat intelligent, hard working American couple who are sincerely concerned with not only their future but the future of our county as well and he asked me that! I took a deep breath and thought out what or how should I reply and came up with this: David, Obama is not a Muslim, never has been a Muslim and never will be a Muslim. He was raised a Christian and will remain a Christian. The look on his face was the tell-tale fact of what he really was thinking, (why is Uncle Clay lying to me.” I picked up my coffee and walked out on my dock to have a cigarette and just shook my head in disbelief. Oh, no I didn’t go back in to try and persuade him that he was wrong. My only wish was that he’d stop listening to those tv and radio talk shows. Albeit they are free and I guess that’s the only entertainment they can afford...
Clay